update

 

Mom is getting well

Alhamdulillah, my mom is getting healthier. She no longer has fever,  lymph node  swelling at her cervical region has resolved. Today i reviewed all her routine blood test, all is in normal range. 

Hopefully she will remain in a good health. 

Busy day

Last week had been a very hectic weeks. Literally i've to work almost everyday and it really drain my energy. I just need a good rest and i'll be better if if can rest at beautiful redang or perhentian island.

Severe dyspepsia

I have a bad episode of dyspepsia last monday, the worst epigastric pain i've ever experienced. Pain only slow down at 3. am after taking tramadol 

How i spend my weeekend

 

for these two days i woke up late. after solat subuh, i cont sleeping till 10 am. 

rest of the day i spent cleaning, mostly in the kitchen. I just bought a book , urus rumah with Hani and i was inspired to do the cleaning after reading this book. Had to reorganise everything, do some deep cleaning, preparing paste so that i can cook faster later on. 

today, mom & me went out to get some groceries, we stop at kedai jual ikan & i spent rm80 buying 2 kind of fish , ikan selayang & ikan kejar anjing (if im heard it right) , squid & prawns. Then we headed to Zua supermarket to get some other groceries and our last stop is kedai baha to buy vegetables and few other things. 

i made roti puri with sardines today , followed recipe Cik Nom.  Berjayo sis buat.

second personality

I'm always a different person when i'm about to get my period. The alpha version of me will get out, I'll be more outspoken, oversensitive, sometimes confident and sometimed becoming dubious over everything and i really hope no one messed up with me when im not really me. 

Recently i've had some issues with colleague, not sure if im the one who should be blamed but i do feel guilty for behaving that way.. well certain thing cant be undo. I've to let it go and make peace with myself. I want to keep my circle very very small, let just be close with 1-2 friends. Rather than have many people around me but at the end i've hurt their feeling or vice verse. 

Right now i just want work profesionally and not mixing my personal affair during working. 

Dear me, its okay. its okay....not to be okay.  Just be you and try you very best. Its okay if you dont want to talk to anyone,its okay if you feel low, its okay if you want to rest and let go everything....love yourself. 

Selamat pulang ke negeri abadi cik mail

Hari ni, hari yang suram untuk warga KKP. Kami kehilangan seorang staff yang sangat berdedikasi dan baik..Tak tau berapa banyak air mata mengalir hari ni sebab terkenangkan cik mail. 

Semoga Allah lapangkan kubur arwah dan jauhi dia dari siksaan kubur.. tengah menaip ni pun air mata laju je mengalir.

Kematian adalah permulaan kehidupan yang sebenar 

Hari ni Linda dah masuk kerja balik lepas dia cuti bersalin hari tu. Rasa macam happy sikit dapat balik kawan bergelak ketawa, tak ada la aku duduk dalam bilik tengok patient je. Lunch hari ni aku keluar makan dengan Linda, lepas solat zohor aku drive ke Hentian Rahmat. Aku beli laksa penang dengan manggo shake, si Linda ni pulak beli nasi chicken butter.  Pastu singgah dekat mart tepi kedai makan tu beli kacang & coklat. 

Aku still ada low mood and kurang bersemangat. Tapi aku kena cuba atasi benda2 ni. Doakan daku.

Day out with mom

 

Semalam aku ajak ma pergi jalan-jalan. Mula-mula tu ingat nak pergi cari makan dekat kawasan rumah je . Tapi rasa macam nak makan pizza pulak, paling dekat adalah di Jerteh. So, reroute perjalan ke Jerteh, dari rumah aku nak ke Jerteh ambik masa dalam 30 minit jugak la. SJR ada dekat area kg Bintang, tpai polis lepas jelah, and kami pun dah complete 2 dos vaksin, so no problem. 

Bila dah sampai, kitaorang pergi order pizza, aku beli 2 large pizza. Murah weh, RM 18++ je untuk 1 pizza. Kena tunggu 30 minit untuk order siap. Sementara nak menunggu tu pergi beli tealive, aku beli coffee apa ntah , ma pulak pilih air honeylemon. Belum cukup lagi 30 minit, so tunggu dalam kereta pulak. 

Pizza dah siap , aku pergi ambil and then drive back..on the way tu singgah dekat satay Mastura . Beli Satay rm 50 and lepas tu balik. 

Aku rasa better sikit lepas keluar jalan-jalan dengan ma. Okay la..syukur Alhamdulillah.

Adakah aku depressed

 Np : River flows in you by Yiruma 

Lately aku rasa stress sangat kat tempat kerja. Aku malas nak bergaul atau bercakap dengan sapa2, at one point aku rasa macam tak boleh nak percaya dekat semua orang. Kadang-kadang rasa skeptikal , adakah diaorang ni duduk mengata aku? Even aku rasa tak pun, lebih pada perasaan aku je. Malam pun aku macam susah nak tidur , bila nak lelap tu aku kadang2 boleh terjaga sendiri. Risau fikir apa akan jadi kalau ma tak ada nanti, adakah aku akan hidup sendiri. 

Kalau buat dass score ni aku rasa aku akan ada severe anxiety, severe stress, severe depressed.

Be in medical field itself lagi susah nak call for help. Aku selalu je dapat patient datang dengan masalah yang sama dengan apa yang aku rasa. Bila dengar apa yang diaorang cerita, sama macam yang aku rasa. Soalan yang aku tanya tu kadang2 adalah soalan untuk aku sendiri. 

Aku harap aku boleh bangkit balik dan hilangkan semua ni.