Life update

1. Wake up as early as 4.30 am in the morning. Now become a routine, even without alarm i easily awake

2.  Cook for Sarah, today menu is chicken soup with rice 

3. Want to write more but im to sleepy and now it is time to work. 

Wishlist

Vacuum

1. Dyson

Berkenan betul dengan vacumm brand dyson ni. Tapi bila tengok harganya tu, macam lambat lagi je boleh beli. Dekat 4k jugak. Kalau ada rezeki lebih, rezeki naik rumah baru ke(insyaAllah) memang daku akan invest untuk beli vacumm kayangan ni.

2. LG

Tertengok orang review dekat tiktok vacumm brand LG ni, macam best jugak. Harga 1k lebih murah compared dengan brand dyson. 

Thermomix

Lama dah masuk dalam wishlist. Sama macam dyson, harganya tu terlampau mahal. Almost 7k, cumanya bila tengok review kawan2 yang guna thermomix ni macam terliur jugak la. Satu je la, daku ni bukan rajin masak, takutnya jadi tukun je nanti. Wishlist nak memiliki thermomix ni memang akan sentiasa ada, tapi priority paling bawah la.

Cukup la dua dulu perkongsian wishlist

Life update

Dec 2022 : Umrah 

Oct  2023 : Engaged 

Dec 2023 : Married 

Jan 2024 : Pregnant 

Feb 2024 : Wedding ceremony 

Now : Cant wait to see my precious 

Kita merancang 

Allah sebaik-baik perancang              

been lazying this week because i'm on leave

feeling so unproductive , wake up late , no mood to do anything (i have to force myself to do the chores)

haih, i hate my self for being that way

i should start exercising again

when i work up, my brain working and i always able to reflecting my life better, in term of ibadah , i always say to myself, if you can work out/ run for 45 minutes, how come you r not able to do ibadah.

Beloved mok

 

Today mok fell while trying to get on her wheelchair. I don't know how long she's been lying on the floor, she said not so long before we came but somehow i believe it has been awhile. I'm very shocked when i saw her and quickly try to help her sit. I try to make the situation laughable because i saw tears in her eyes, she must felt very desperate. 

May Allah always protect our beloved mok. And i hope mok will take some lesson from todays incident, not trying to do something when no one is around. Other than aching over her arm and legs and bruises at her cheek no other serious thing. 

Alhamdulillah

Alhamdulillah. 

I get a placement for master program in family medicine

This is my second time seeing ma crying

I don't exactly know what happened, i heard my brother talking loudly, as if he mad of something but barely heard if ma had say anything. The second i checked, i saw my mom walking toward the chair, sitdown and started to cry. My heart aching seeing her crying, she must be very upset with what happened.   I try to console heart, tapping her shoulder and bring her cup of cold water. 

She say something about what happened, mmm im not going to jot everthing down. I asked mom to go to her room and take a break. But she insist to sit there, so i let her. meanwhile i did the dishes, when i'm about to finish i wanna check up on mom that sit just few steps from me. I see my brother came asking for forgiveness and mom start crying again... and my heart aches.

Mom is the best blessing i ever had and thank Allah for that. I pray that i will never hurt her , make she happy and fulfill her dream. She barely asked me for nothing except to massage her aching body, do the dishes and just few other small things that she shouldn't even asked for because it's my duty. 

O Allah make me a good daughter to my parent.

update

 

Mom is getting well

Alhamdulillah, my mom is getting healthier. She no longer has fever,  lymph node  swelling at her cervical region has resolved. Today i reviewed all her routine blood test, all is in normal range. 

Hopefully she will remain in a good health. 

Busy day

Last week had been a very hectic weeks. Literally i've to work almost everyday and it really drain my energy. I just need a good rest and i'll be better if if can rest at beautiful redang or perhentian island.

Severe dyspepsia

I have a bad episode of dyspepsia last monday, the worst epigastric pain i've ever experienced. Pain only slow down at 3. am after taking tramadol 

How i spend my weeekend

 

for these two days i woke up late. after solat subuh, i cont sleeping till 10 am. 

rest of the day i spent cleaning, mostly in the kitchen. I just bought a book , urus rumah with Hani and i was inspired to do the cleaning after reading this book. Had to reorganise everything, do some deep cleaning, preparing paste so that i can cook faster later on. 

today, mom & me went out to get some groceries, we stop at kedai jual ikan & i spent rm80 buying 2 kind of fish , ikan selayang & ikan kejar anjing (if im heard it right) , squid & prawns. Then we headed to Zua supermarket to get some other groceries and our last stop is kedai baha to buy vegetables and few other things. 

i made roti puri with sardines today , followed recipe Cik Nom.  Berjayo sis buat.

second personality

I'm always a different person when i'm about to get my period. The alpha version of me will get out, I'll be more outspoken, oversensitive, sometimes confident and sometimed becoming dubious over everything and i really hope no one messed up with me when im not really me. 

Recently i've had some issues with colleague, not sure if im the one who should be blamed but i do feel guilty for behaving that way.. well certain thing cant be undo. I've to let it go and make peace with myself. I want to keep my circle very very small, let just be close with 1-2 friends. Rather than have many people around me but at the end i've hurt their feeling or vice verse. 

Right now i just want work profesionally and not mixing my personal affair during working. 

Dear me, its okay. its okay....not to be okay.  Just be you and try you very best. Its okay if you dont want to talk to anyone,its okay if you feel low, its okay if you want to rest and let go everything....love yourself. 

Selamat pulang ke negeri abadi cik mail

Hari ni, hari yang suram untuk warga KKP. Kami kehilangan seorang staff yang sangat berdedikasi dan baik..Tak tau berapa banyak air mata mengalir hari ni sebab terkenangkan cik mail. 

Semoga Allah lapangkan kubur arwah dan jauhi dia dari siksaan kubur.. tengah menaip ni pun air mata laju je mengalir.

Kematian adalah permulaan kehidupan yang sebenar 

Hari ni Linda dah masuk kerja balik lepas dia cuti bersalin hari tu. Rasa macam happy sikit dapat balik kawan bergelak ketawa, tak ada la aku duduk dalam bilik tengok patient je. Lunch hari ni aku keluar makan dengan Linda, lepas solat zohor aku drive ke Hentian Rahmat. Aku beli laksa penang dengan manggo shake, si Linda ni pulak beli nasi chicken butter.  Pastu singgah dekat mart tepi kedai makan tu beli kacang & coklat. 

Aku still ada low mood and kurang bersemangat. Tapi aku kena cuba atasi benda2 ni. Doakan daku.

Day out with mom

 

Semalam aku ajak ma pergi jalan-jalan. Mula-mula tu ingat nak pergi cari makan dekat kawasan rumah je . Tapi rasa macam nak makan pizza pulak, paling dekat adalah di Jerteh. So, reroute perjalan ke Jerteh, dari rumah aku nak ke Jerteh ambik masa dalam 30 minit jugak la. SJR ada dekat area kg Bintang, tpai polis lepas jelah, and kami pun dah complete 2 dos vaksin, so no problem. 

Bila dah sampai, kitaorang pergi order pizza, aku beli 2 large pizza. Murah weh, RM 18++ je untuk 1 pizza. Kena tunggu 30 minit untuk order siap. Sementara nak menunggu tu pergi beli tealive, aku beli coffee apa ntah , ma pulak pilih air honeylemon. Belum cukup lagi 30 minit, so tunggu dalam kereta pulak. 

Pizza dah siap , aku pergi ambil and then drive back..on the way tu singgah dekat satay Mastura . Beli Satay rm 50 and lepas tu balik. 

Aku rasa better sikit lepas keluar jalan-jalan dengan ma. Okay la..syukur Alhamdulillah.

Adakah aku depressed

 Np : River flows in you by Yiruma 

Lately aku rasa stress sangat kat tempat kerja. Aku malas nak bergaul atau bercakap dengan sapa2, at one point aku rasa macam tak boleh nak percaya dekat semua orang. Kadang-kadang rasa skeptikal , adakah diaorang ni duduk mengata aku? Even aku rasa tak pun, lebih pada perasaan aku je. Malam pun aku macam susah nak tidur , bila nak lelap tu aku kadang2 boleh terjaga sendiri. Risau fikir apa akan jadi kalau ma tak ada nanti, adakah aku akan hidup sendiri. 

Kalau buat dass score ni aku rasa aku akan ada severe anxiety, severe stress, severe depressed.

Be in medical field itself lagi susah nak call for help. Aku selalu je dapat patient datang dengan masalah yang sama dengan apa yang aku rasa. Bila dengar apa yang diaorang cerita, sama macam yang aku rasa. Soalan yang aku tanya tu kadang2 adalah soalan untuk aku sendiri. 

Aku harap aku boleh bangkit balik dan hilangkan semua ni.

 

Aku teringin nak beli gopro 9 , jadi aku mula la menabung setiap bulan. Dapat gaji je, aku asing 100 ringgit, nak tunggu sampai cukup 2000 hengget . Tapi kan bila dah pegang duit tu, aku rasa macam sayang pulak nak habiskan untuk beli gopro, dengan PKP semacey tak boleh nak gi mano. Jadi sempena birthday aku yang dah kertu ni , aku pun buka la akaun ASB. Bijak tak sis..

Nanti dapat elaun covid hamjadah ni , RM600/month aku nak simpan dalam akaun ASB. Sekarang aku masih on 2 tabung lagi, tabung untuk beli backpack osprey & tabung skincare..gitulah nak mendidik diri , nak beli menabung, tabung cash yer... bila tengok duit tu sendiri mungkin akan tak jadi beli benda2 yang mengarut.. hiks

Losing some weight

Today I decided to start the journey to lose some weight. I've started to run again every morning, I run about 30 minutes since the last 3 days and hopefully i'm going to commit. Start from tomorrow i will try to eat according to plan, calorie deficit. On my upcoming birthday , i'll weight myself and hopefully i'll be under 55 kg. Birthday present from me to my future self. 

Wish me luck

oh my english

I need to improve my english . I do consider to enrolled myself into online english class but the fee is quite expensive. Hmm..should i proceed with my plan to invest money into english education

Alhamdulillah, all is well

Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah, Alhamdulillah

Aku da habis interview untuk master program hari ni. Nak menunggu detik 10 minit ni sampai dah dua kali keluar masuk tandas, empat lima kali tekan tutup , tekan buka aircond. Adududu.

Syukur sangat sebab aku rasa aku boleh jawab most of question tu sebab dah practice dengan Asiah. Dah dapat jawab dan tersenyum lepas interview ni pun aku rasa nikmat yang besar sangat. Dapat ke tak dapat tu cerita lain, sekarang ni aku hanya berdoa semoga semua urusan dipermudahkan.

Soalan :

1. Tell me about yourself, your working experience and why you choose family medicine

2. Why u choose USM 

3. Is there any FMSs that influence you to pursue in family medicine, does your fms give u influence 

4. Does living/study in Jakarta influence you to take family medicine

5.  Do you know Dr Suhazeli

6. Do you have any question 

Temuduga

Alhamdulillah, aku berpeluang untuk interview FMS sekali lagi. Sekarang tengah tunggu tarikh untuk interview. Kali pertama aku interview adalah pada tahun 2020 and im ashamed to say that i look really stupid that day. I did zero preparation and could not answer all the question other than please introduce yourself. Im still traumatic. 

Hiatus

Aku sekarang stuck di bilik gerakan. Bekerja di belakang tabir melawan covid 19. Penat mental, lebih letih berbanding semasa aku dibarisan hadapan walaupun terpaksa berpanas memakai PPE. Berkerja setiap hari tanpa cuti memang sungguh mencabar. Ada hari aku rasa macam nak give up, malas nak pergi kerja, malas nak bangun.malas dah nak bertarung. Tapi perasaan itu terpaksa kucampakkan demi tugas yang dah diberikan. 

Tuhan berikan kami kekuatan.